Watch Your Words - Criticism
I may, and sometimes do not, always agree with how our daughter runs her household, or raises our grandsons. I do know from experience, that any remark like 'You're doing it wrong', or 'That is not how I (used to) do it', comes across like criticism and disapproval.
How do you approach a situation like that? Here are some suggestions I found:
Say it face-to-face.
If you have something to say about your grandchildren or the way their mother is raising them, say it directly to the person in question, or don't say it at all. The worst you can do, is use your own child as a mediator. Try to raise important issues calmly, and always to both parents.
Avoid unexpected visits.
The kids have their own lives and schedules. It is not always convenient to drop in whenever you like. They may have other plans, just like you. Give them a call, ask if it would be convenient, or if there is something you can help with. It will be highly appreciated.
Stick to the rules.
Stick to the rules the parents have set for your grandchildren, even when you have some alone-time with them. Not only is that much more beneficial for the grandchildren, it also will increase the trust between you and their parents. Work with them, instead of against them.
Teach them yourself.
If you like to instill an interest in your grand babies, or like for them to learn something else, teach them yourself and supply what is needed to do so. It will create a special bond between you and your grand kids and will not be a point of contingency between you and their parents.
Voice concerns well in advance.
If you like to voice your concerns, or state your opinion on important matters concerning your grand children, schedule a meeting with the parents. Discuss them one by one. Listen to their reasoning first and then offer your own. Do this well in advance and not in the last minute, when a deadline would have to be met, like pre-school application for instance.
Taking all of these points in consideration and practising them the best you can, will lead to a better relationship between you and your grand children's' parents. The consequence of that is, a relaxed, safe, loving and caring atmosphere. One, in which your grand babies will feel even more at home.
Isn't that what we all are after? :-)
How do you approach a situation like that? Here are some suggestions I found:
Say it face-to-face.
If you have something to say about your grandchildren or the way their mother is raising them, say it directly to the person in question, or don't say it at all. The worst you can do, is use your own child as a mediator. Try to raise important issues calmly, and always to both parents.
Avoid unexpected visits.
The kids have their own lives and schedules. It is not always convenient to drop in whenever you like. They may have other plans, just like you. Give them a call, ask if it would be convenient, or if there is something you can help with. It will be highly appreciated.
Stick to the rules.
Stick to the rules the parents have set for your grandchildren, even when you have some alone-time with them. Not only is that much more beneficial for the grandchildren, it also will increase the trust between you and their parents. Work with them, instead of against them.
Teach them yourself.
If you like to instill an interest in your grand babies, or like for them to learn something else, teach them yourself and supply what is needed to do so. It will create a special bond between you and your grand kids and will not be a point of contingency between you and their parents.
Voice concerns well in advance.
If you like to voice your concerns, or state your opinion on important matters concerning your grand children, schedule a meeting with the parents. Discuss them one by one. Listen to their reasoning first and then offer your own. Do this well in advance and not in the last minute, when a deadline would have to be met, like pre-school application for instance.
Taking all of these points in consideration and practising them the best you can, will lead to a better relationship between you and your grand children's' parents. The consequence of that is, a relaxed, safe, loving and caring atmosphere. One, in which your grand babies will feel even more at home.
Isn't that what we all are after? :-)
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